Hmm. I dont feel very well. I cry too much spontaniously but then the rest of the time it gets stuck. And i love being happy and bubbly like i am really, but just problems and people tarnish that.

I keep having bad dreams. Films make me cry all the time, before i'd find it quite hard to relate to something that i would keep telling myself was fake. Now i cry partly because i am jealous. I dont know what im jealous of because they are just acting really, but i cry from envy and jealousy. But not in a cruel way, i dont hate the people i am jealous/envious of, it just makes me feel a bit pathetic.

I just want to fall asleep somewhere quiet, but where occasionally you can hear the warm whisper of conversation, you know when relatives visit and you can hear and smell them downstairs drinking coffee in the lounge and laughing and catching up...i like drifting in and out to sleep to that, not that its happened often. Or waking to hearing children outside playing, especially in the summer when they are screaming and running about playing water games. And i want the bed i'm in to be warm and fresh, and by a window. And my dog is sleeping with me, and there are fish in a huge lovely tank nearby so i can watch them when i am restless. And occassionally i eat marmite on toast and ice cold water and watch great movies. Thats all i want to do for the foreseeable future. And when i do have to get out of bed, i just play on the guitar a bit and mess around and paint photo frames and make cards and things.